i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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