i permit you to call me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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