How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
