Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
