i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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