No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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