You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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