Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
