I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't notice because vodka
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
