Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
