redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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