the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
