I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
