Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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