I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
