So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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