I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
