my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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