i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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