I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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