Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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