You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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