C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
