Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nutella sex= disaster
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
