she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just found a bag of teeth...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
