you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
