Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
