Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
