Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
