Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
