i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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