please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
