I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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