the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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