Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
