that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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