He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
