He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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