I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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