I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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