I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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