All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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