1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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