mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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