i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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