Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
