he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
