all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
