just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
