y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My feet surprised me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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