Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
