Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
